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     Shaving. . . it must be Spring. Shaving is one of those pain-in-the-butt activities that only shaving fetishists enjoy. The rest of us would be perfectly happy to live entire lives without body hair, in the first place.

     Unless someone anticipates exposing more of their skin, most Neutrois don't shave much more than the areas of coarse-haired skin that their clothes wouldn't cover. These are usually the calves, forearms, face, and chest, depending on what hair growth a body's hormone levels have influenced. If there is downy non-pigmented hair present (say, at the tops of one's thighs, or arms), it is usually left alone. Some shave all the way up their legs, arms, genitals, and anyplace else they may have coarse hairs. While we're on the topic, here's a word of warning: stubble regrowth on your arms, chest, genitals, stomach, and back can itch like hell. Unless it's really a problem, and you have a means of staying on top of your shaving, don't go nuts with the razor. You'll regret it in a day or two.

     Shaving is fairly common sense, but here are a few tips for good results. First of all, NO electric razor is going to leave you with smoothly shaved skin. Those Remington shaver ads are full of bunk. If you're getting ready to shear an area you've never shaved before, or you've let a tropical rainforest sprout on you over the winter; use a beard/moustache clipper to cut the long hairs to stubble. You can usually find a decent 'weed whacker' at K-Mart for between $12.99, and $30.00. They're often in the cosmetics/beauty section and they look just like dog clippers. When using one of these, you'll get better results if you just use the clippers on your skin, and leave the attachments off. The attachments are for beard clipping and hair styling.

     The best place to shave is in the shower. This is because the moisture and heat will soften your skin and stubble for the razor. Do your washing before shaving. Using soap on a shaved area afterward will dry and irritate your skin.

     Use shaving foam, or gel, as these products are designed to lubricate the razor and reduce skin irritation. Soap is not. Cover the area you're shaving with about an eighth of an inch of foam and let it sit for a moment. This will give the anesthetic ingredients and moisturizers a chance to get into your skin.

     Use a new razor blade each time you shave. They get dull after one use which makes them less efficient and more likely to nick your skin. Give yourself some time to shave, too. If you race through it and use fast strokes, you're guaranteed a sloppy shave, or a nice fat cut. Use moderately slow strokes and rinse the blade after a few strokes. This will prevent the blade from being clogged with stubble.

     Some people recommend shaving once with the direction, and once against the direction of the hair. This is a waste of time. If you had long hair growth and clipped it with the clippers, you only need to shave once, against the direction of the hair growth. Once an area is shaved, lubricate your hand with a small amount of shaving foam and run it along the shaved area to feel for places you missed.

     After shaving, rinse the shaved regions with water. Do not use soap.

     Once you're toweled off, apply a liberal amount of moisturizer to the shaved areas. The moisturizer will help keep the skin soft. Moisturizer will also help prevent it from developing a chapped/scaly look from drying out.

     If you experience bumps, redness, or problems from ingrown hairs, you might try using witch hazel after you shave. It has contains properties which help reduce swelling. There are also soothing creams for this that you can find at most drug stores, and on the web. Don't use depilatories on bumps, or on ingrown hairs. You'll only aggravate the problem.

     Okay, so you're in the gym locker room and your friends notice you're sheared. What do you say? Here are a few suggestions:

1) "Hygiene."

2) "Eczema."

3) "My dermatologist suggested it."

4) "Better Aerodynamics."

5) "Because I felt like it."

6) "My wife/husband/partner likes it."

7) "I like it. It makes me feel... dirty."

8) Caressing shaven skin, "Smooth, baby. . . smoooooooth!"

9) "I've got a thing against hair, lately."

10) "I'm weaving my own rug."

11) "Well, why aren’t you doing it?"

12) "It makes cross-dressing easier."

13) "Oh, you like it? I did it for you."

14) "I’ve got some frilly girly socks in my locker, too. Wanna’ play dress-up?"

     Of course, nothing beats the old reliable stand-by, "Because I'm the BIGGEST SCREAMING QUEER you've ever met! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!"

Stay wild!

-Axey